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The Customer is (NOT) Always Right

Bagi yang memiliki anak, tentu sudah tahu bahwa anak-anak berkembang dan selalu berubah-ubah sifatnya. Pada saat ini, anak saya nomor 3, Umar, memiliki kebiasaan baru. Seringkali dia malas berpikir 🙂

Jika ditanya, kadang jelas terlihat bahwa dia tidak berusaha berpikir, dan malah langsung menjawab “nggak tahu“. Nah, kalau malasnya ini sudah kumat, pertanyaan-pertanyaan berikutnya akan sama saja, dijawab dengan “nggak tahu

Maka saya selalu dengan tegas menuntut dia untuk menjawabnya dengan benar. Sampai saya yakin bahwa dia memang sudah benar-benar berusaha.
Kadang sih cukup memakan waktu. Juga membebani emosi kita. Atau kadang kita sebetulnya sedang perlu melakukan hal yang lain.

Tapi, inilah tugas orang tua. Kewajiban kita mendidik anak-anak kita, agar mereka bisa tumbuh menjadi manusia yang normal.

Sayangnya, tidak semua orang tua melakukan hal ini 🙁

Salah satu contohnya bisa dibaca disini :

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for non-fiction.”

Me: “What kind?”

Customer: “Just non-fiction.”

Me: “Okay…do you want history? Or science? Psychology?
Business?”

Customer: “No, just NON-FICTION!”

Me: “Ma’am, most of the store is non-fiction. You’ll have to be more specific.”

Customer: “Don’t you get it? I just want some non-fiction!”

Me: “All right. Do you see over there, where it says ‘Fiction?’”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “All the books but those. Good luck.”

Braindead 😀

Dan dia tidak sendirian. Ada BANYAK sekali zombie di situs NotAlwaysRight.com ini :

Me: “You found them.”

Customer: “Yeah. I couldn’t see them because the sign was in the way.”

(Note she’s referring to a large, 18 inch sign with three inch wide red letters that read WALNUTS. It was added because customers complained they couldn’t find them.)

Me: “You couldn’t see the walnuts because of the sign that said WALNUTS?”

Customer: *angry* “Yeah, that’s right!”

Me: “I…can’t help you.”

.

Sialnya, umur semakin tua bukan jaminan akan semakin bijak. Kadang malah jadi semakin aneh. Seperti kata Joker, “What doesn’t kill you makes you…. stranger” 😀

(I was ringing up a old lady when another old lady in my line recognized the first lady.)

Old Lady #1: “Oh hey! I didn’t see you there!”

Old Lady #2: “That’s okay… I didn’t recognize you with clothes on!”

Me: “What?!”

.

Zombie yang satu ini ingin berlibur ke sebuah pulau, namun tidak tahu cara menuju kesana :

(Let it be known that there are only two ways to get to Catalina Island: by boat or by helicopter.)

Me: “Hotel *****, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation. And when’s the earliest we can check in?”

Me: “Normally not until noon but we may be able to make an exception. When is your boat scheduled to arrive.”

Customer: “Oh, no, were not coming by boat.”

Me: “Okay, helicopter then?”

Customer: “Oh no, that’s silly.”

Me: “Well, may I ask how your planning to get here.”

Customer: “Down the 405, duh!”

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t drive to Catalina Island.”

Customer: “You can’t?”

Me: “No, it’s an island. You know, surrounded by water.”

Customer:Catalina Island is an ISLAND?!

Me: *headdesk*

.

Freudian slip nya juga betul-betul membuat mulas :

(Talking to a female customer…)

Me: “Do you see the ‘Local Area Connection’ icon?”

Customer: “Yes, I see your ‘Local Erection’.”

.

Tapi mungkin ini adalah yang paling lucu !

(I was working the candy bar when a I was approached by a man seeing Bridge to Terabithia with two young kids. He points to the popcorn machine:)

Customer: “I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please.”

(There was a two second pause as the customer’s eyes went wide with horror…and then I started to laugh. He got the popcorn and ran upstairs, with me standing behind the counter with tears running down my face.)

.

Tentu saja, ada berbagai blunder yang berkaitan dengan IT :

Customer: “I’d like to buy the Internet, please.”

Sales: “The whole thing?”

.

Cukup tercengang ketika menemukan satu cerita yang melibatkan Debian 😀

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. May I help you?”

Customer: “How do you fix Debian?”

Me: “Depends on what the problem is. What are some of the issues you’re having?”

Customer: “I paid $700 for it! It should work PERFECTLY!”

Me: “Ma’am, Debian is free. If you paid $700 for it, all that means is that you’re an idiot.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Yep. Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: *click*

.

Customer berikut ini kemungkinan akan sukses merebut gelar “orang paling tolol di dunia” :

(I had just started a new IT job for a large school district and was not expecting the level of stupidity I would be dealing with on a regular basis. Within my first 3 weeks, I receive a phone call from a school.)

Clerk: “Hi, I am trying to use this new system on these computers and I attempting to make my account. My Principal got me started but now I am stuck.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Clerk: “Well, it is asking me for First Name and I have no idea what I am supposed to type.”

Me: “You’re at the registration screen? Um…well I think you are supposed to enter your name.”

Clerk: “Oh…okay…wait. No, it’s asking me for something else.”

Me: “What now?”

Clerk: “It says…last…name…what do I put here?”

Me: “Probably your last name.”

Clerk: “Oh, thanks…oh Jesus, now it’s asking for my phone number! What the hell am I suppose to put here! Why can’t I just do it the old fashioned way?”

Me: “You mean pen and paper?”

Clerk: “Yes! It was so much easier. These fancy computers are just so complicated. I never understand what I am suppose to do!”

(I bit my tongue and just let her ramble on about how ‘First Name’ was such an incredibly hard concept to grasp.)

.

Gaptek ? Anda tidak sendirian :

Coworker: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need LSD for my son. You have that, right?”

Coworker: “Uh?”

Customer: “You know, that high speed internet thing…”

Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “You mean DSL?”

.

Tapi yang satu ini memang agak keterlaluan gapteknya… 😀

(We had a notice from one of the Nevada affiliates that Las Vegas residents would be suffering from a network outage due to a problem with their broadcasting equipment.)

Customer: “I think someone is standing next to your satellite with a ham radio. You need to run out and get them to stop.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that’s not the problem–”

Customer: “I will have you know, son, I am a Gunnery Sergeant. I’ve worked with Hand Operated Radios for years and I’m telling you RIGHT NOW…there is someone standing next to your satellite with a d*** radio and it’s interfering with my signal. I demand you to get out there and tell them to stop.”

Me: “Far be it from me to ever argue with my clients, but I will have to at this time. I understand that you’re a Gunny Sergeant and that you’ve operated HAM radios for years, but I know my satellite equipment, and it’s not possible for someone to be standing next to my satellite with a radio.”

Customer: “Oh? Really, smart man? Why is that?”

Me: “Because our satellites are in outer space. Furthermore Las Vegas has an outage going on due to a technical issue with their broadcasting equipment.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

.

Namun kadang ada juga customer yang telah berusaha terlebih dahulu, sebelum akhirnya mengkontak technical support :

(We were trying to troubleshoot a printer than quit working…)

Coworker: “… go ahead and click on the printer and faxes icon.”

Customer: “It’s not opening.”

(My coworker tries it himself, and waits nearly 40 minutes for a window to pop up: it eventually shows 70,916 documents in the queue!)

.

Tetapi, lebih seringnya, ya, zombie lagi :

Me: “Okay, sir, can you tell me the brand of your computer?”

Caller: “Compaq…” (or so I thought I heard…)

Me: “Okay, sir, give me a sec–”

Caller: *apparently still reading* “…compact disc.”

Me: >.<

.

Dan untuk penutup, seorang ibu yang sangat tidak pantas untuk menjadi ibu :

(It was raining one day and didn’t look like it would be stopping any time soon.)

Guest: “Hi, could you tell me when it’s going to stop raining?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure.”

Guest: “Well, why not? I came here to enjoy the park, and my family can’t do that when its pouring rain! When will it stop so we know when to come back?”

Me: “Hold on a sec…”

(I pick up the phone.)

Me: “Hi, GOD? Ya, its me, how you doing? Ya, ya…I’m good as you can see. Well you see this woman standing next to me? She’s wondering when you’re gonna stop the rain so she can enjoy the park…Oh, okay. I’ll let her know! Have a magical day!”

NotAlwaysRight.com sekarang menjadi salah satu situs favorit saya 😀

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