Tuhan Sembilan Senti

Kebetulan saya penderita penyakit asma / alergi pernafasan, sehingga puisi berikut ini cukup menyentuh dan dibenarkan oleh pengalaman saya pribadi.

WARNING: Very strong words. Do not read if you’re easily offended.


Tuhan Sembilan Senti
Oleh Taufiq Ismail

Indonesia adalah sorga luar biasa ramah bagi perokok,
tapi tempat siksa tak tertahankan bagi orang yang tak merokok,

Di sawah petani merokok,
di pabrik pekerja merokok,
di kantor pegawai merokok,
di kabinet menteri merokok,
di reses parlemen anggota DPR merokok,
di Mahkamah Agung yang bergaun toga merokok,
hansip-bintara-
perwira nongkrong merokok,
di perkebunan pemetik buah kopi merokok,
di perahu nelayan penjaring ikan merokok,
di pabrik petasan pemilik modalnya merokok,
di pekuburan sebelum masuk kubur orang merokok,

Indonesia adalah semacam firdaus-jannatu-na’im
sangat ramah bagi perokok,
tapi tempat siksa kubur hidup-hidup bagi orang yang tak merokok,

Di balik pagar SMU murid-murid mencuri-curi merokok,
di ruang kepala sekolah ada guru merokok,
di kampus mahasiswa merokok,
di ruang kuliah dosen merokok,
di rapat POMG orang tua murid merokok,
di perpustakaan kecamatan ada siswa bertanya
apakah ada buku tuntunan cara merokok,

Di angkot Kijang penumpang merokok,
di bis kota sumpek yang berdiri yang duduk
orang bertanding merokok,
di loket penjualan karcis orang merokok,
di kereta api penuh sesak orang festival merokok,
di kapal penyeberangan antar pulau penumpang merokok,
di andong Yogya kusirnya merokok,
sampai kabarnya kuda andong minta diajari pula merokok,

Negeri kita ini sungguh nirwana
kayangan para dewa-dewa bagi perokok,
tapi tempat cobaan sangat berat
bagi orang yang tak merokok,

Rokok telah menjadi dewa, berhala, tuhan baru,
diam-diam menguasai kita,

Di pasar orang merokok,
di warung Tegal pengunjung merokok,
di restoran di toko buku orang merokok,
di kafe di diskotik para pengunjung merokok,

Bercakap-cakap kita jarak setengah meter
tak tertahankan asap rokok,
bayangkan isteri-isteri yang bertahun-tahun
menderita di kamar tidur
ketika melayani para suami yang bau mulut
dan hidungnya mirip asbak rokok,

Duduk kita di tepi tempat tidur ketika dua orang bergumul
saling menularkan HIV-AIDS sesamanya,
tapi kita tidak ketularan penyakitnya.
Duduk kita disebelah orang yang dengan cueknya
mengepulkan asap rokok di kantor atau di stopan bus,
kita ketularan penyakitnya.
Nikotin lebih jahat penularannya
ketimbang HIV-AIDS,

Indonesia adalah sorga kultur pengembangbiakan nikotin paling subur di dunia,
dan kita yang tak langsung menghirup sekali pun asap tembakau itu,
Bisa ketularan kena,

Di puskesmas pedesaan orang kampung merokok,
di apotik yang antri obat merokok,
di panti pijat tamu-tamu disilahkan merokok,
di ruang tunggu dokter pasien merokok,
dan ada juga dokter-dokter merokok,

Istirahat main tenis orang merokok,
di pinggir lapangan voli orang merokok,
menyandang raket badminton orang merokok,
pemain bola PSSI sembunyi-sembunyi merokok,
panitia pertandingan balap mobil,
pertandingan bulutangkis,
turnamen sepakbola
mengemis-ngemis mencium kaki sponsor perusahaan rokok,

Di kamar kecil 12 meter kubik,
sambil ‘ek-‘ek orang goblok merokok,
di dalam lift gedung 15 tingkat
dengan tak acuh orang goblok merokok,
di ruang sidang ber-AC penuh,
dengan cueknya,
pakai dasi,
orang-orang goblok merokok,

Indonesia adalah semacam firdaus-jannatu-na’im
sangat ramah bagi orang perokok,
tapi tempat siksa kubur hidup-hidup
bagi orang yang tak merokok,

Rokok telah menjadi dewa, berhala, tuhan baru,
diam-diam menguasai kita,

Di sebuah ruang sidang ber-AC penuh,
duduk sejumlah ulama terhormat merujuk
kitab kuning dan mempersiapkan sejumlah fatwa.
Mereka ulama ahli hisap.
Haasaba, yuhaasibu, hisaaban.
Bukan ahli hisab ilmu falak,
tapi ahli hisap rokok.
Di antara jari telunjuk dan jari tengah mereka
terselip berhala-berhala kecil,
sembilan senti panjangnya,
putih warnanya,
ke mana-mana dibawa dengan setia,
satu kantong dengan kalung tasbih 99 butirnya,

Mengintip kita dari balik jendela ruang sidang,
tampak kebanyakan mereka
memegang rokok dengan tangan kanan,
cuma sedikit yang memegang dengan tangan kiri.
Inikah gerangan pertanda
yang terbanyak kelompok ashabul yamiin
dan yang sedikit golongan ashabus syimaal?

Asap rokok mereka mengepul-ngepul di ruangan AC penuh itu.
Mamnu’ut tadkhiin, ya ustadz.
Laa tasyrabud dukhaan, ya ustadz.
Kyai, ini ruangan ber-AC penuh.
Haadzihi al ghurfati malii’atun bi mukayyafi al hawwa’i.
Kalau tak tahan,
Di luar itu sajalah merokok.
Laa taqtuluu anfusakum.

Min fadhlik, ya ustadz.
25 penyakit ada dalam khamr.
Khamr diharamkan.
15 penyakit ada dalam daging khinzir (babi).
Daging khinzir diharamkan.
4000 zat kimia beracun ada pada sebatang rokok.
Patutnya rokok diapakan?

Tak perlu dijawab sekarang, ya ustadz.
Wa yuharrimu ‘alayhimul khabaaith.
Mohon ini direnungkan tenang-tenang,
karena pada zaman Rasulullah dahulu,
sudah ada alkohol,
sudah ada babi,
tapi belum ada rokok.

Jadi ini PR untuk para ulama.
Tapi jangan karena ustadz ketagihan rokok,
Lantas hukumnya jadi dimakruh-makruhkan,
jangan,

Para ulama ahli hisap itu terkejut mendengar perbandingan ini.
Banyak yang diam-diam membunuh tuhan-tuhan kecil yang kepalanya berapi itu,
yaitu ujung rokok mereka.
Kini mereka berfikir.
Biarkan mereka berfikir.
Asap rokok di ruangan ber-AC itu makin pengap,
dan ada yang mulai terbatuk-batuk,

Pada saat sajak ini dibacakan malam hari ini,
sejak tadi pagi sudah 120 orang di Indonesia mati karena penyakit rokok.
Korban penyakit rokok
lebih dahsyat ketimbang korban kecelakaan lalu lintas,
lebih gawat ketimbang bencana banjir,
gempa bumi dan longsor,
cuma setingkat di bawah korban narkoba,

Pada saat sajak ini dibacakan,
berhala-berhala kecil itu sangat berkuasa di negara kita,
jutaan jumlahnya,
bersembunyi di dalam kantong baju dan celana,
dibungkus dalam kertas berwarni dan berwarna,
diiklankan dengan indah dan cerdasnya,

Tidak perlu wudhu atau tayammum menyucikan diri,
tidak perlu ruku’ dan sujud untuk taqarrub pada tuhan-tuhan ini,
karena orang akan khusyuk dan fana
dalam nikmat lewat upacara menyalakan api
dan sesajen asap tuhan-tuhan ini,

Rabbana,
beri kami kekuatan menghadapi berhala-berhala ini.

90 thoughts on “Tuhan Sembilan Senti

  1. Kalau nggak kepanjangan, udah aku copy ke rokok.nukov.net deh :).
    Boleh nggak ya, puisi di-summary-kan :).

  2. #: Patutnya rokok diapakan?

    kalo gak salah sudah ada hukumnya tentang ‘menyakiti diri sendiri’
    mungkin ustadz harry bisa kasih referensinya 🙂

  3. @plexus: Memang sudah ada tuh hukumnya haram untuk menyakiti diri sendiri, apalagi ikut – ikutan menyakiti orang lain.

  4. ironis sekali, banyak pesantren yang nyambi jadi pabrik rokok, dalihnya sih buat nambalin biayaa operasional.

  5. coes – Ass? Pantat? 🙂 cuma ngingetin saja, hati-hati kalau menyingkat sesuatu 😉

    btw; tolong dong, itu bukan puisi saya 🙂 kalau semuanya tetap bilang itu puisi saya, nanti saya dimarahi pak Taufiq Ismail 🙂 trims

    btw2; kalau ada orang mengaku ulama tapi merokok, dan sudah tahu bahayanya rokok, saya pribadi menganggap orang itu penipu.
    Paling tidak, dia adalah penipu dirinya sendiri.

  6. begitu kecilnya Tuhan, sehingga hanya dibandingkan dengan rokok.

  7. iya!!! setuju bgt ama puisi ini!!!
    benci bgt kalo ada org ngerokok di angkot…yg ga merokok jadi ikut2an kena asepnya T___T
    kapan yah rokok dihapuskan??udh bakar duit,ngerusak yg di sekitar pula…

  8. apakah sudah separah itu hingga penulis berpandangan bahwa dibalik rokok terselip kesyrikan yang dapat mengancam akidah umat.

  9. apa kabar? ternyata harga eepc itu mahal juga ya, apalagi saat pertama di luncurkan.

  10. salam kenal mas….senang bisa berkunjung ke situs anda….saya tunggu kunjungan balik ke blog puisi saya…..Oh ya saya ingin tukar link dengan anda,apa anda berkenan?…Thank’s.

  11. kalo gitu mari kita ganti sila kita yang pertama jadi, “percaya pada tuhan yang 9 centi”

    *ngacir*

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  13. puisinya bgus,bermakna
    saya sangat suka dengan puisi-puisinya

  14. apakah sudah separah itu hingga penulis berpandangan bahwa dibalik rokok terselip kesyrikan yang dapat mengancam akidah umat.

    tp…benci bgt kalo ada org ngerokok di angkot…yg ga merokok jadi ikut2an kena asepnya

  15. bayangkan isteri-isteri yang bertahun-tahun
    menderita di kamar tidur
    ketika melayani para suami yang bau mulut
    dan hidungnya mirip asbak rokok,

  16. Orang indonesia memang gila rokok, walaupun jelas jelas ditulis jeleknya rokok, mereka tetap tidak peduli, lebih baik tidak makan daripada tidak merokok, bahkan lebih baik anak tidak sekolah daripada berhenti merokok.

  17. wah, memang pak taufik selalu mampu membuat puisi yang terdengar manis namun sangat menyentil. For info tentang haramnya rokok. Pernah baca di salah satu web kalau filter yang terdapat di rokok ada yang terbuat dari jasad babi. jadi kalau mau aman, ya…..(silahkan jawab sendiri bagi yang masih percaya sama Alquran)

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