Polygamy in USA

Right, I must admit that I was pretty amazed to find a woman in a polygynous marriage and a convert and lives in USA (where polygyny / polygamy is outlawed – CMIIW) and happily blogging about it .
Was speechless for quite sometime.

Anyway, the blogger that goes by nickname Mizazeez (Miss Aziz ?) seems to be quite happy with her current situation. She was devastated when first knew about her husband’s intention to marry again, but then chose logic instead of uncontrolled emotion, and managed to get over it.
She even took time to explain the popular hadith touted as the base to abhore polygamy : the Ali – Fatima – Abu Jahl’s daughter hadith; where the hadith was usually presented as it is, she explained its context in details.

There are quite a lot of lighthearted and funny posts in her blog. For example, the one about her mother is quite funny. I do realize though that it’s a struggle to her. But she seems to handling it quite well, well done.

There are a few things we, men, can pick up from the husband. It seems that this man actually speaks Venusian; being able to act appropriately (instead of enraged/becoming a jerk) even when in awkward situations. Lots of other good examples from him throughout the blog. Recommended read.

All in all, both parties (husband and wife) seems to be putting their best efforts to make things works for them. I’m truly humbled to read how their marriage went – the humble & pious husband that’s gentle and care, the loving & (very) clever wife that’s very understanding about her husband’s situation (financial/time/marriage-wise).
That’s what marriage is all about – teamwork, co operation. It’s going both ways. If it started flowing just from one direction, then it’s the beginning of its end.

I’m very glad to find such mature and understanding Muslim/Muslimah, in the blogosphere too. To these people I put my hope that one day in my life I’ll be able to witness Islam achieving its purpose – rahmatan lil ‘alamin; a blessing to the world. Here’s one hoping.

Another similar blog : Polygynous Expressions

And no, I still don’t think I’ll marry another woman, because I’m not able to properly do the related responsibilities. But I’m happy for everyone who’s doing good and not afraid to be bad-mouthed because of it. Barokallahulakum, brothers and sisters.

10 thoughts on “Polygamy in USA

  1. thanks for the info.
    the only matter is I still believe that being “disagree” with poligamy doesnt mean against Allah rules. I mean, it is one true fact that the context is abu jahal family, but “stand for disagree” is another true fact.
    In this hadeets, i can see that our prophet give an example for all of us, that we could and have right to disagree or objection (keberatan?) with ones decission to take poligamy. *with good reason i guess*

  2. @lantip – disagreeing is fine I think, as long as you don’t outlaw it (where Allah already allowed it). I remember reading somewhere about case where daughter of Hussain (granddaughter of Ali – Fatima) stated in her nikah / marriage contract that she married her husband on the condition that he won’t marry another woman while she’s alive. If anyone can confirm this, then this is an example that women (who disagree with polygamy) can follow.
    .
    Basically here we’re witnessing again how Fiqih is conditional – implementing it blindly, without considering the situation, can cause us to do haraam (outlawed) stuff. Islam demand Muslims to be wise in implementing the syariah. In Mizazeez’s case, they’re able to implement and practice polygamy (although with great sacrifices and efforts) with great results. They ended up more caring and loving to each other, and became a happy family.
    .
    Let’s hope that we can do that as well with our monogamous marriage. It should be easier to do than Mizazeez isn’t it ?

  3. Pak Harry, ini ulasan yang baik mengenai poligami dan poliandri. Jarang ada. Saya suka euy.
    Terimakasih atas komennya pada tuisan saya mengenai gay+militer. Hehe… Asik juga ada yang komentar sedemikian detil dan menceritakan pengalaman pribadi.
    Blog bapak ini bagus. Dan rupanya sudah ada blog pak Romi dan mas Kyantonius yang di link ke sini. Saya akan memasukkan blog pak Harry ke link blog saya, kalau boleh.

    Salam kenal Pak Harry. Salam dari Hoofddorp.
    Semoga anda dan keluarga dalam lindungan Allah selalu. Amin.

  4. @Arif – salam kenal kembali Pak Arif, saya juga suka blog Anda (makanya sampai bela-belain berkomentar 🙂 ), please keep it up. InsyaAllah bisa bermanfaat utk orang banyak.
    .
    Salam juga untuk keluarga Anda dari kami. Cheers.

  5. well this is usa and polygamy is not accepted.
    the koran advices the man to discuss before he can marry another woman?what about those who do not do so?
    why the man marries a second woman for benefits of what she has like money and or tryuing to get her to help him financially?
    Why the man lies to the two women about his relationship with each of them?
    is this ethical to islam?it leaves alot of questions what does the islam teaches its followers.
    why does a big leader in islam remarry two people without asking the wherebouts of the other woman?islam is confused in its own practices.

  6. @Asha – hi there, you said, “well this is usa and polygamy is not accepted”, indeed, and I’ve stated that in this post as well, that polygamy is actually outlawed in USA.
    .
    “why the man marries a second woman for benefits of what she has like money” — then the woman has the full right the reject the marriage proposal.
    In several (so called) muslim countries, the women can’t reject a married proposal. But this is actually against Islamic laws.
    .
    “is this ethical to islam?it leaves alot of questions what does the islam teaches its followers.”
    You’re asking the question but then you conluded the answer yourself 🙂

  7. @Asha – missed this one: “the koran advices the man to discuss before he can marry another woman?what about those who do not do so?”
    Then that’s their problem, it’s their fault. Not Islam’s.
    .
    “why does a big leader in islam remarry two people without asking the wherebouts of the other woman?islam is confused in its own practices.”
    Why blame Islam, when it’s the fault of the practicer ?
    .
    The good thing about Islam is that you’re NOT depending on anyone else to practice it (unlike other organized religions). You’re in touch with God directly, and you’re directly responsible to God directly for your actions.
    .
    That means also that we must be able to differentiate between what Islam teaches, and what actually practiced by the followers. Sometimes they’re not the same.

  8. The community considers the marriages to be valid, even if the law does not. Please remember, that most of the inhabitants of Utah are descended from Polygamous families. Polygamy was taken from us by the Federal government, and we still harbor a deep distrust of governments in general, and of the Federal Government in particular.

  9. I could not be in a polygamy relationship because I am a jealous person and I would want my husband all to myself and not with 2-5 other women plus myself. I just don’t understand the whole polygamy thing anyways, it is so weird in my opinion.

  10. Hey! Someone in my Facebook group shared this website with us so I came to look it over. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers! Outstanding blog and great design.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.